It's Go Time

WARNING: THIS BLOG ENTRY IS RATED X FOR LANGUAGE. IF FOUL LANGUAGE OFFENDS YOU THEN SKIP DOWN TO THE LAST PARAGRAPH.

So I contacted the attorney's office yesterday because they were supposed to send me intake papers in the mail almost two months ago about accepting my Social Security Disability Claim. I called them yesterday to ask what was up. They apologized and told me that someone would be in contact with me early today. PHEW! That was a big relief off of my chest simply because my appeal is already in office. So the woman called this morning and we began chatting. We went through an entire array of questions. She seemed really skeptical about my health condition. And then came the question: "So who do you live with?" My significant other I told her. They she asked how much he made. Jarred and I agree that money isn't a part of our relationship so the vast majority of things we are completely in the dark about in regards to that (and in my opinion we have far less fights than most couples do). However, I know a round about ballpark figure which I shared with her. "Well he makes too much money." HUH?!? Where in the fuck does his income factor in MY SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY CLAIM? WE ARE NOT AND CANNOT BE LEGALLY MARRIED. As far as the federal government is concerned we are nothing more than friends who just happen to have an intimate relationship. Never mind the fact that my doctor will not release me to work, I have recurring pneumonia, chronic bronchitis, neuropathy, Kikuchi's Disease (lymphadenopathy), chronic diarrhea, chronic fatigue, anxiety, trouble concentrating, breast cancer and most of all NEVERMIND THE FUCKING FACT THAT OUT OF THE LAST 10 MONTHS I HAVE SPENT 1 1/2 OF THEM IN THE HOSPITAL. WHOOO HOOO I CAN TELL YOU WITH A TRACK RECORD LIKE THAT I HAVE EMPLOYERS LINING UP AT MY DAMN DOOR TO OFFER ME A POSITION IN THEIR COMPANY. You want to know who I hold responsible for this. While a part goes to the federal imperialist government a large part of the blame goes to Joe Q. Public. That's right. All the people who took from Social Security who didn't need it. All the people that continue to take from it and they are perfectly able to get up everyday and go to work with out problems. That is who I blame for this. Thanks for fucking up life for the rest of us who actually need the assistance.

And if you thought that was the end of my rant sit back and listen to more. I was one of the very first males treated at the Grady Comprehensive Avon Breast Clinic. I was first male patient there who was treated with tamoxifen. You would think that the kind of relationship that I have with them that they would know me when I called. No instead I get fucking attitude from the front desk clerk. "Ummm well Mr. McClarity we are going to have to let you talk to a nurse to schedule your appointment." To which I asked "Why can't I just set it up with you." "Ummm because you're a special client." Let me tell you what that means. Avon is the primary funder of the Comprehensive Breast Clinic at Grady Memorial Hospital. Do you know that Avon will not fund an organization that even mentions MALE BREAST CANCER IN its LITERATURE? That's right my friend old fashioned 18th century discrimination on the basis of sex. They say that they offer the same treatment no matter what but I find it rather odd that they never did a lumpectomy and that the ONLY treatment they are willing to offer me is chemotherapy. WOW NOW THAT'S FUCKING COMPREHENSIVE RIGHT THERE. Chemotherapy is so cutting edge that it's practically hot when you touch it. Well it does make me have hot flashes but that is not even the point right now. So now I will sit back and wait two weeks for them to call me to give me an appointment in two months.

If you skipped over the first two paragraphs welcome. This will be the happier, bubbly paragraph of this blog posting. Jarred and I had a fabulous weekend in Saint Simons Island. His friend Rick (who is one of his co-workers) got married to his sweetheart of several years, Beth. They are such a lovely couple. When we got down there we were promptly delivered to the lesbians of the group (Beth's auth Lynn) and her partner Carol by Beth's mother. Lynn performed the ceremony. They really are an awesome couple. They have formally invited Jarred and I out to St. Louis where they live in February to attend an AIDS Fundraiser that to my understanding is the highlight of the St. Louis social season. Besides the fact that we stayed at Camp Jesus (the wedding was held on a Methodist retreat and that just happens to be where our hotel was located) it was an awesome weekend. Both of the families were very warm and inviting and we were never frowned upon or snubbed by anyone there. It was as if we were almost a part of the family. If you want to see pictures go to Jarred's blog he has them up there.

Enough for today honey it's time for me to go and take a Xanax.

James

The Neverending Story...

As I break out into song and dance :) Well today has been an interesting day. I went to see an eye doctor about the large discomfort I have been having in my right eye for the last couple of days. Their was both good news and bad news. The good news is that it is not the borderline glaucoma that was discovered a year ago. It is a simple eye infection that can be treated with a Z-pack. Apparently it is a package of antibotics that is distributed much like steroids and you just taper off of them. The vision in my right eye is slightly worse, but the doctor tells me that is to be expected as a natural part of aging.

I called social security today to get on their ass about their obvious lack of concern for my case and I was promptly notified that my case was assigned to someone just yesterday afternoon. So now we have another 3-6 months before a decision about my case is even made. Onward and upward we go.

So that is all the exciting news I have for now.

Here's looking at you,

James

The Road Less Traveled

Well kiddies, I know it's been a while since my last update. I apologize about my lag. Things have been really hectic lately and my heart honestly hasn't been in blogging. I want to share a few things that have been going on and update everyone on how things are going on my side of the tracks.

Healthwise I have been a little on the ill side. I had a bout of bronchitis about two weeks ago. The doctor prescribed me antibotics for 7 days. I took them and got better. I'm just dealing with a little post sickness blah.

Social security still has not got my paperwork at the Disability Ajudication Board :~< I cannot begin to express my extreme displeasure with the federal government at this time. It's amazing that people who need it cannot get it and those who do not need it hire a lawyer and get it quickly. Just another classic example of how nice guys sometimes finish last. As an end result of not having the financial capability and no one releasing me to work I have had to take a job on the side. At this point I cannot divulge any other information other than it's a cushy type situation where I am able to get some of my long pastdue bills caught up.

Jarred and I are doing well. He is dealing with seperation anxiety (atleast via the phone) as well as he can be expected. He is being extremely supportive and knows there will come a day when we can be together again on a full time basis. I hate having missed his birthday, however, I did send him some flowers and a bear. Speaking of the flowers, I am very upset with FTD right now. I ordered Jarred roses and a brown chenille bear to go along with it. I was talking to him on the tele and he informed me that the bear is red with black hearts on it. WTF is that all about?!? I do plan to express my displeasure via customer service.

I am missing all of my dear friends in Atlanta right now. A special shout out to Watusi and Michael. I miss you guys and cannot wait until we can get together and do us some two-steppin at our favorite local watering hole.

Psychologically I am hanging in there. I recently purchased a movie called "The Cure". If you have never seen it it is a definite must see. Below is the film synopsis:

"One summer, two boys went in search of a dream...and found the friendship of a lifetime. Joseph Mazzello (Jurassic Park) and Brad Renfro (The Client) star in this heartwarming adventure story filled with laughter, compassion and the enduring power of hope. New to a quaint, riverside community, eleven-year-old Dexter (Mazzello) and his single mom are quickly shunned when it's learned the boy has AIDS. Next door lives Erik, a lonely latch-key bully who surprisingly initiates a friendship. But trouble soon finds the twosome after they read a tabloid that suggests a New Orleans doctor has a cure. Determined to find him, the boys build a raft and set sail down the mighty Mississippi, "Tom Sawyer" style, in a magical, often hilarious journey that gives Dexter a chance to experience life as it should be lived and will change both boys' lives forever."

So that is what the movie is about. Even though the film was made in 1995 and treatment options have become more abundant the truth of the matter is that we are still no closer to finding a cure in 2005 than they were in 1995. There is a point in the movie where Renfro says the day they find a cure he wants everyone to go to Baskin Robbins order a big sundae and everyone can just eat out of that to celebrate. I suppose that is how I feel. I hope that there comes a day when my friends and I can go eat a celebratory ice cream. I hold onto the hope that
one day that will happen.

Holding out for a cure,

James