22 July 2010

PCP, Civil Rights, and Harvey Milk

It's really been a hot minute since my last update so I am going to cover a few issues/thoughts/medical updates in this blog. From the feedback that I get these are the kind of blog postings you like. Minus the sometimes infrequent updates :)
The first thing I want to cover is civil rights. Miss Sherrod (former USDA official) has been all up in the news recently and as I was sitting on the bus today I noticed the Civil Rights Act posting on the interior wall. I got to thinking what if the Civil Rights Act of 1964 read: "Under federal law it is unlawful to deny access or services with regards to race, color, national origin or sexual orientation. " Where would the GLBT movement be today? Adding two little words could have set our movement light years ahead. Remembering that the infamous Stonewall Riots occurred only 5 years after the signing of the Civil Rights Act. Hmmmmmm just some random thought.

I just got out the hospital on Tuesday after a week stint of PCP. Yes my friends, PCP. My CD4 count is at 200 and my viral load at 4800. My chest x-ray was clear but when they did the CT scan with that wonderful toxic, body warming, nuclear contrast they noticed the tell tell signs of inflammation and 7 different infiltrates growing on my lungs. We all remember my wonderful time with infiltrates and the lung shortly after I started my blog. Joyous occasion. I say all of that to say this. While I was shacked up in Northwestern Memorial Hospital I got to thinking...Where would the fight against HIV/AIDS be TODAY if Harvey Milk had not been assassinated in 1978 just 4 years before the epidemic was diagnosed in the US for the first time. For those of you who need a refresher or don't know who Harvey Milk is (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Milk). Harvey Milk is my hero and idol. I have based my public service career based on his tactics. He was an amazing man. Anyway he was instrumental in defeating Anita Bryant's Campaign in California and the State's Proposition 6 ballot. Prop 6 would have allowed firing of any public servant just because of their sexual orientation. This was the first time the extremists had been defeated in the Nation. And he spearheaded the movement. If in fact he was able to do that IMAGINE what he could have done to the face of early face of funding for HIV/AIDS. WOW. The gifts/talents our nation will never see affects us all. How sad is it that the bullet of a madman really ruins the possibility of a brighter future for millions?

Remember the commercial "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" I want to rephrase it a bit...What would you do....

- to save the life of a loved one?
- to save your own life?
- to prevent or attempt to prevent someone from making the biggest and costliest mistake of their life?
- to save your relationship?
- to become a more honest and caring person?

Such questions really cannot and are not easily answered. We put strings, stipulations, and expectations on them when these are the questions that in all honesty should be no brainers and simple one line answers...ANYTHING! "Well they hurt me" Well it doesn't mean you stop caring or loving that person! I have found myself going to extremes from swallowing a bottle of pills to physical violence because the person I love more than life itself would rather sleep with someone other than me. Does that make it right NO. I really struggle with self esteem and the feeling of not being loved. Not by family or friends....the other kind of being loved. However, I digress. These are just some random thoughts and issues I am sorting through right now. It's late kiddies and my nighty meds are starting to kick in :) I'm going to close for now. Until next time.

Hugs and love,


chad said...

I do love you, James. Always will... no matter what comes of us.

Anonymous said...


HI James,

Greetings from across the pond. I was in my clinic yesterday (Graham hayton unit, the royal london hospital. I have been positive for 3 years now and so far im in a good state. Bar the last few months ive been getting a bit sick a bit too often. This is largely due to the recreational and overspill of the use of meth which is blowing up over here. I saw your profile in one of the free mags called baseline and decided i wanted to read your blogs to see what its really like. Ive just started reading from the beginning of your new adventure and so far am up to what is the world coming too. And i just cant believe you dont have meds available for everyone even more so being one of the richest countries in the world !!!. I realise how lucky i am now over here and promise you im gonna look after myself and use everything to my advantage. I wish you well and am gonna crack on with the rest of your reads.



Anonymous said...

And one more thing, i Love you too no matter what whatever may come of us


Anonymous said...

What would i do for my klondike bar? not really sure, never have been sure. but, id start probably something like this.
i was stunned, a couple of years ago to discover a beautiful, sexy, engaging, desirable young man with a devastating smile on, of all places, xtube. i would send the occasional random email or comment on a picture that would stop me in my tracks. i would google-stalk to find out more about this young man, to get an idea in my mind about what he sounded like or what interests he had, or imagime, perhaps, what it smelled like to fall asleep next to him. i discovered he was, is, a blogger and jumped on the opportunity to learn more about his life. i ended up here, now. like those before me and those after me, i have pretty much read everything here and ive found that i was pretty correct in my initial impression. handsome, sexy, sensitive, smart, engaged, questioning, i can go on but i wont. felt a slightly sharp pain, both of sadness and happiness to discover he had found a mate, a partner, someone to share a life with. wished sometimes that it might have been me. every post, enrty, was something i looked forward to reading, discovering both the beautiful and the ugly, the profane and the sublime. finally decided that i would answer what this young man asked, would try to respond to the questions he posited. i never really liked klondike bars all that much but what i do like, what gives me a sense of my own value, my own worth, is to go to bed at the end of the day knowing that i found something that i could try and make better. i dont know, nor do i think one ever does know what one would do to "save the life of a loved one" to "save your own life" etc. but my attempt would be to breathe a little fresh life if i can, to someone that gave me a better perspective into my own existance. i would make sure that i thanked those that took me out of myself and out of my place even for a moment, to reorient myself and renew my understanding of what was truly important and meaningful and neccessary. you will always be beautiful to me and i do so hope that they can all see what i believe that i can. James, thank you.

Dave Hunter, LA said...

This is a great blog and an inspiration for all HIV positive people. Please keep up the good work Jim!